I don't really get it , how did you make it through the day without killing yourself?



Was surprised that people were so motivated by the talk.Couldn't lie to myself.Was kind of guilty.


I thought i had everything i could ever need.I thought i was at the bottom line of sastifaction.Where i could be contented with even the smallest things.
I was wrong.


When i looked at others, it was when i realised i had nothing.

I know comparing myself with others isn't right but i couldn't resist it.Although being satisfied
is determined by oneself but human nature is just like that. Compare , compare and compare.
We judge our lives by comparing to others. Even the teachers do it. "Donate generously to needy people who are less fortunate compared to you." One can't deny that fact at all.

When i needed care, attention. There was no one to turn to. Drowned myself in things that were entertainment , food luxury etc. Happiness lasted, until it was over.
Then we find ourselves stuck in this illusion. Hence wanting to find more entertainment. This is how my life works. Bored? Find entertainment. Finish? Go home sleep. Wake up tommorrow.

And the cycle repeats everyday.Sure it might not apply to everyone who are contented. The truth hurts so much, i can't outrun it. But i can't face it, i wished it was all a lie. Whatever that was there, was temporary, nothing was permanent , guess i'll find that "ever lasting" thing that i need.

Definitely not drugs, not gaming. Maybe it was love? i'll never know. Till i find out , by trying.
If finding love doesn't work? Guess i'm just hopeless already.