A series of events, sad or happy, has been happening throughout the last week.
It set me thinking,
what i truly want in life?
The lavish lifestyle of a celebrity?
or the simple dull but fufiling, sigh.
I just realised i don't have a single clue of what i want.
i pass by each day, without any purpose or anything to look forward for that matter.

Perhaps i just want to have a group of friends, to have fun, be serious, cry , laugh, together.
A true friend that understands me, or just someone i could turn to when i'm down.

I know people don't like seeing me being so pessimistic about life, but what can i be optimistic about?
Its not like i have that special someone now that i can find comfort in.
All i have are my virtual friends that look up to me in a game that i play better than them in that period of time, and they enjoying owning some other players together with me.
But all these aren't forever, i know that, it isn't reality,
once the game is gone, the so called 'friends' are gone as well.
Nothing could change this fact.

I guess i could live without anybody in my life so far.
But it would seem meaningless,
you know.
Stuck in a boys school.
A strict one to make it worse.
That hasn't been anyone to talk to like seriously so far,
you can't expect me to confine my feelings to a guy in my school right?
even if i'm even considered as their best friend, i would still hide certain things to them.
Its natural, too bad it had to be this way.
A member of the opposite sex would normally be someone you want to talk to, unless you're tired of it, which is not possible.

Maybe i shouldn't be so senstive,
no one talking to me?
fine its cool, perhaps they have nothing to share or say.
Trying so hard not to think so negatively but it always fails and i find myself indulging in games to run away from reality.
I look upon myself as so pathetic.

I have to change, to be a nicer person,
i shouldn't say anything to anyone to insult their dignity.
Or even to put them down.
i know it hurts, because i'm always in those situations, where people don't give a fuck of how i feel, because they see me a non-chalant person.
Maybe i was in the past.
But no longer.

I have feelings, i know everyone has, i don't know what this post is about, just rambling off random stuff that had on my mind past few days.

Sigh, i'm sorry all for being so stupid and forgive me for all the stupid things i've done.

But will someone tell me?

What is the meaning to life if all we do all day, is eat, sleep, study, play?

There isn't any outcome that has any purpose as a whole perspective of life.

Sometimes i just feel like ending my life,
its just that harsh.

I want to know how to love,
i want to have someone i know i could lose,
because thats where meaning in life lies,
Feelings make us vulnerable, but it can make us stronger as well.

Sometimes i just really wish, people could say a simple 'i love you' to me,
or perhaps just expressing it a different but obvious way.
I don't know what people are thinking on their minds.
or the matter of fact that anyone even reads my blog,
nevertheless, i'll still post it,
just so you guys could know.